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2007-10-25 - 2:30 p.m.

I have a confession to make. I am, for some reason, squeamish about watching old people eat. Everything about old age is unpleasant to me. I hope my opinion of it changes before I get there. 'Cause the only alternative is death, which seems like even less fun than aging.

I sometimes go to this cafeteria restaurant for lunch, because I can pick and choose and avoid fast food. The downside? It's just boiling over with oldsters dropping their macaroni into their tea and missing their mouths... I know. I am a terrible person and someday that's gonna be me. A well deserved karmic payback, I'm sure.

This gross out factor doesn't apply to oldsters that I love. Usually.

While I'm talking about grossities in restaurants... I went to Oktoberfest at a german place in Houston and I had trouble choking down my food after the arrival of these two ridiculous heifers who were trying to work their collective mojo. They were downright embarrassing to the feminine gender. They were tee-heeing and making what they thought were witty remarks, but good God it was an embarassment.

I am put off by such things as baby talk, extremely overly cutesy phrases, and attempts to seem ditzy, daft, or otherwise mentally challenged. I am surprised when women think this is going to work, and even more surprised when it actually does.

Here's a run-down of some of the cringe-worthy remarks I had to hear from these 2 plain sisters who were trying to beguile 3 or 4 german men:

"We're just gonna share a soup. We're reeeeally small eaters" (bitch, please. I know you ate the damn refirdgerator when you got home)

"Oh, we're just silly girls. Girls are silly." (You silly cow. You need your ass whooped.)

"Let's all go to Hooters, there's still time! Tee-hee" (Gosh, aren't you progressive?)

"Weener schnitzel.... Weener Schnitzel... Weener... Weener.. Weener... tee-hee" (it's been a really long time since you've seen a weener, hasn't it?)

They were setting off my Hoke-o-meter non-stop.

I must go for now...

Had to vent. I feel better.


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