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2012-01-02 - 12:30 a.m.

Happy New Year! ::horn blowing noises::

::Picking confetti out of my hair::

Well, there's another one... in the can. It sure goes by fast. Time to reflect on the year just past and think about what's shiny and new for the year just born.

2011 saw me settling into my job pretty well, surviving a merger between my company and a bigger one that gobbled us up like a giant fish gobbles smaller ones. There were lots of turns and twists on the ole roller coaster of life as I didn't know if my head would be one of the ones to roll in the new merger deal. I took the place of another coder when the company was bought last time. We could have all gotten the old heave ho. Then, my crazy ass boss went even crazy assier after she learned that her head WAS one of the ones to roll. She started having us all written up for bogus, ridiculous reasons and generally went batshit crazy right before our very eyes. Once she was gone, things calmed down considerably.

There was a whole rigamarole about whether or not we were going to get to work from home as originally promised and for a while progress completely stopped. However, we hear tell that this has been reversed and we are now going to be allowed to go home to work. The most awesome development ever! It could happen really soon, or they might drag us around and mess with our minds some more. The manager told me (in secret)that the boss is coming down from headquarters after the Christmas holiday and she is going to announce that we can go pack up our computers and go home. Just like that. This could happen Tuesday. If it does, I will go insane with joy. It is my goal to work from home. They seem to drag their feet a lot and make us happy promises and then take it all away from us, so I don't know if they will jerk us around some more or actually let it happen. I guess you know what I'm hoping for.

Just imagine... I'll roll out of bed at about 8:45 am, go boot up my computer, brush my teeth, make my coffee, and go to work in my nighty, preferably with my hair a complete mess. All that time I waste getting ready and driving to and from work will be my time to spend as I wish. I can spend 8 hours and no more at this job. That is the happy-maker. This is my 5 year plan, come to fruition in less than 5 years. I will have to make me a new 5 year plan. I'm a goal oriented girl. I think that's the way to be. It feels so good to reach a goal.

My relationship failed in 2011. Some because of me and some because of him. I am, I suppose, a pathologically independent woman. I have always been that way. I've always been one to go my own way, I'm not totally forthcoming with all my inner info, I protect myself, I don't believe I owe anyone a complete view of my inner self. I can share, but I don't want to be forced to share before I'm ready. I think that we all have our thoughts and feelings that are better left unsaid. I have a hard time being completely "in" a relationship. I am sort of a separate entity, even when I'm half of a couple. I don't really know how to change that. I don't know how to integrate fully with another person. I'm kind of set in my ways and I live my life a certain way. There were issues in my relationship where my values conflicted with his. Sometimes a difference in values can make a big ugly mess.

I can overlook differences, I can agree to disagree. My guy could not. It was sort of like a radical stance. "Believe in my God or die". It literally did go down like that. Though it was more like: Do what I say or the relationship dies. In keeping with my history, never having been very successful with blind obedience, the relationship died.

It is possible that I am not someone who was meant to be married. I might be a few cards short of a full house in that department. I think I'm an AWESOME girlfriend, because I demand nothing really. I am so live and let live. I really give the guy a hell of a lot of rope to hang himself with. I allowed my guy to be exactly who he is. I didn't try to force anything on him, didn't try to make him conform, or do anything for me. I am financially self sufficient, I'm not emotionally needy, I'm easy to get along with. But I absolutely suck at blind obedience. And the one thing I do demand from my guy is the same courtesy I give to him. Let me be who I am. Let me direct my own path. Let me like what I like, do what I do, and be who I am.

I am into astrology and my personal horoscope says that I'm in a time when relationships are being tested, and 3 planets are at negative aspects with my sun sign. Saturn is trying to ruin my life... well, it's a planet that brings life lessons and shows you what you're made of. Which means tortures you relentlessly until you die, go crazy, or somehow survive. 2011 was my hurricane year and 2012 is supposed to be more like a tropical storm. So, yippee. I guess things are going to be easier in 2012. Still a life storm, but better. har har

In my family, there was a little shake up when my 20 year old cousin eloped with her soldier boyfriend who is stationed far, far away from her parents and grandparents... a move she made so she could go back and live with him without making all the a fore mentioned elders commit sepuku with a Frisbee. Her mother went into a full blown panic attack and her grandmother was shocked and horrified, cried, and didn't even try to hide her total disappointment. The little rascal planned this out well in advance. She withdrew from college, they rented an apartment, and they were at the family Christmas gathering, already married by the justice of the peace, and didn't even tell anyone they were married until Christmas day. This was a major shockeroo for these people. We shall see what happens as this little drama plays out. My poor cousin had to find out in one day that her only child had gotten married and was leaving home to live far away with a guy she really only just met. I would have freaked out too if I was her. She freaked all the way out.

I know just what girlfriend was thinking though... she knows these people and she knew they would not be in favor of her leaving or getting married or any of it, so she just went and sealed the deal before anyone could change it. Now she has to deal with it and time will tell whether she made the right decision or not.

My computer is acting strangely and I've lost my cursor, so I think I will post this and save my speculations about the new year for the next post.

Happy New Year Everybody!!

spring - fall

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Words to Live By - 2015-03-04

Sunshiney - 2015-02-10

New and Improved - 2015-01-30

The Deep - 2014-12-30

In Love - 2014-12-29

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