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2005-10-17 - 9:11 p.m.


On my way home tonight, I ever so wisely brought along a big styrofoam cup full of shaved ice and water to sip during my long commute. Necessary hydration after a seriously vigorous workout. About one third of the way home, I had sincere need for a restroom. The town I was nearest to is full of weird people with no teeth and collectively, no sense of humor whatsoever. I didn't want to stop there.

A few miles down the road, as I approached the rest stop... where the truckers go... I thought someone might abduct me or something if I stopped there, in the dark, where it's just a whole bunch of burly men and lil ole me. So I passed it up.

The agony.

I ended up driving about 14 miles in "Holy puddle-o-pee, Batman!" mode. I seriously considered pulling over and going on the side of the road, but I kept thinking I am....al...most.....there...aaarrrgghhh.

At last, thanks to some serious speeding and luck on my side, I made it. I didn't EVEN want to stand up and walk into the building. I knew my bladder couldn't take one more drop and I was afraid there would be a painful gravity effect on everything when I stood up. I stopped at McDonald's, because their bathroom is better than the restroom at a gas station. I thought if I got pulled over before I made it to a restroom, I would have to just wet myself in front of the cop. Fortunately, I did not get pulled over.

I'm telling ya, I had to pee so bad that I had chill bumps on the back of my head.

I don't know what that means.

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