GUESS WHAT I FOUND ON THE RUG IN THE LIVING ROOM WHEN I GOT HOME FROM WORK?
Here's you guessing:
Ummm.... a big present with a beautiful bow on it, left there by happy reward elves?
Me: No. Guess again.
You: A new coffee table?
Me: Not even close.
You: A big sack full of cash?
Me: Nope. Give up?
You: Yes, I give up... do tell.
Me: A big steamy cat tube. Multi-colored, chock full O' matted hair and kitty bitties, which were swallowed whole by the greedy-gut cat, also known as "Possum".
You: Cat tube? What's a cat tube?
Me: Well my friend, a cat tube is a regurgitated log of slimy cat food, shaped to perfectly fit the esophagus of your very own fur ball wharfing, ass-licking, kibble eater. Don't miss out. Go out today and get your own cat.
Don't miss the fun part.... the cat tube was on my new area rug. It was very expensive. Irrationally expensive. I thought with all my hard floors and just a couple of area rugs, the pets might not do anything horrible to the rugs. Surely they can have their projectile tube barfing episodes on the hard floors. But noooooooooooooo. They prefer to leave their spleens on the rich woolen fibers of an expensive area rug. I think Possum was proud of that one.
ON TO OTHER MATTERS...
I signed on to D-Land and checked for updates and the ever delightful cookie-bitch had posted a scenario and a question on today's update. I have a suggestion.
Cookie's quandary involves an ex-girlfriend calling her home and leaving a message on the answering machine wondering aloud if Odin, in all his wonderful job placement prowess, can think of any job openings that would be good for her to apply for. Cookie was struggling with exactly what kind of response she should give in this situation. My suggestion is that you attempt to help this poor girl as much as you can, by possibly mailing or emailing her a note - sign it "Odin" so she will feel secure and warm and appreciated. In the note, suggest a few jobs that she would be well suited for. Since they go way back and all, she will appreciate his assessment of her qualities and she'll feeel the love when he suggests jobs such as "Assistant crack ho", "Fluffer", band-aid sucker at the Band-aid recycling plant, or lab rat. You might also let her know that the Greyhound station is interviewing for someone to suck the farts out of the bench cushions. And you feel sure that she is their girl. Send it off and feel good inside because you helped that girl in her job search and didn't even get mad at her stark raving transparent attempt to make contact with your man.
See? It's good to be magnanimous and gracious.
PS: Kidding..... I'm just kidding.... I think ignoring is good. Gives her absolutely no input, or reaction from either of you. She can't gauge his feelings. Can't even get a thrill from your anger. The nothingness is the last reaction she'd want. However, if she keeps on trying to make contact, I might tell her to get a new hobby or something.
And Cookie, how did you get that picture of me bending over for your journal? How embarassing. Tee hee.