I THINK I HAVE THE STOMACH VIRUS...
Something has been going around at work that involves wicked stomach cramps and copious amounts of vile stuff spewing out of every orifice.
I am currently cold and shaky, feverish, weak, teeth chattering cold, I'm having awful stomach cramps, and some other things I'd rather not describe right now.
It is scary to me that I might spend the night hugging the porcelain throne. It is even more scary that the kids might contract this horror and spew everywhere. This is not good. Not good at all.
I must go now. Nature calls. I think I need to change my name or leave a do not disturb sign.
I don't know which end to stick over the toilet. Aaaauuuggghhhhk