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2003-08-27 - 5:31 p.m.

I LIKE TO SCARE PEOPLE

One time I scared my ex so bad... that he screamed TWICE. Like a wee lass, says I.

Here's what happened: We were still newlyweds... I still liked him, (har har) and we were watching a scary movie on tv late one night. I fell asleep during the movie and at some point, he decided to get up and get a glass of milk. The movement woke me up and I watched him quietly padding in to the kitchen, so as to not disturb the sleeping me.

For some reason, I got up and followed him in to the kitchen and being rather silent on my feet, he had no clue I was there. He opened the fridge, got out the milk, opened it up, and right about then, I decided I should touch him to let him know I was there, because my sudden voice would startle him, and I didn't want him to spill the milk.

When I touched him, he not only spilled the milk, he tossed it. He screamed like a girl and spun around in place and then he screamed a second time!!

Naturally, I laughed my ass off, because it was some high humor. It really was an accidental scare. Other times, I scared him on purpose. He returned the favor. We used to hide in each other's closet for long periods of time waiting for the big moment when the unsuspecting victim happens upon the lurking monster.

One time, I came home early and he was in the shower in the master bathroom. We kept the hair dryer in the other bathroom, so I knew he would be coming in there shortly.

So I hid. In the tub.

The shower curtain was pulled all the way closed except for about 4 inches. The idea was that he would be drying his hair and looking in the mirror and see the reflection of a face staring out through that 4 inch gap. Scary, right?

Well... when he got in there and started drying his hair, I waited for a few minutes, supressing the giggles, and then I realized that if he didn't know it was me, he might tackle me in the shower curtain and beat the crap out of the scary intruder before he realized it was just lil ole me.

I had to do something. All of a sudden I was afraid he was going to notice me, so I did the only thing I thought might be a safe move.

I snatched open the curtain and screamed (like a wild cat) really loud. I am laughing as I write this because it was HILARIOUS to see. He jumped straight up, mouth wide open, and just threw down the hair dryer. He was 100% fright on a stick. For about 30 seconds. Then he was about 200% pissed off like a maniac. But even that was funny.

I'm thinking if he ever had the urge to beat me, it was right then.

One time I broke into the bathroom by picking the lock with a knife and I did this because he had fallen asleep in the tub and it was dinner time. So, I was trying to wake him up gently.

So he woke up to the sight of me standing over him with this knife in my hand. And he screamed. And I laughed. Long and hearty. How does he live without me?

spring - fall

12 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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