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2004-01-14 - 12:14 p.m.

FROM THE NO-SHAME DEPARTMENT:

There are people in this world who are just living their lives in full denial.

I speak specifically of the majority of the girls who went out for “Calendar Girl” in a local competition here. A few of the girls were stunners. They won. Of course, they won. There seemed to be only two kinds of girls competing in this contest.

HOT and NOT.

There were about 3 hot ones. The rest were varying shades of WTF.

The non-hot varieties were under the impression that they might possibly win. This is where the denial comes in. I, rightly, do not feel confident in my bikini clad self, therefore, I stay my ass at home, fully dressed, while others compete in all their bikinied freedom. I’m not saying I could win a calendar girl contest. The non-hotties, by their very participation, were saying they believed they could win. I am wondering what made them think this was a good idea.

Some of the non-hotties were not terribly unattractive girls… they just weren’t girls who could ever hope to win a beauty contest of any kind, much less a nearly naked one. They ranged from “not so ugly” to “what was she thinking” to “eeewwwww”. One girl had a REDDENED ASS CRACK and several BUTT ZITS. Her ass looked like a constellation. I gotta wonder what the hell was she thinking???

And why did she wear a thong? Doesn’t she know butt zits are unattractive? I think she had a healed over bullet hole scar too. It was either a bullet hole or a big chicken pox scar. At any rate, nobody wants to see it.

One girl had on a swimsuit that was basically a V shaped ribbon. It appeared to be about 2 feet shorter than her torso, and thus, it appeared to be cutting her in half, right up the butt crack. It was so tight, she looked like she couldn’t stand straight. Nothing was covered. It was just oddly corded. It looked so painful.

Oh well… we women go through a lot of pain in an attempt to look good. Women used to wear corsets, pulled so tight they couldn’t breathe. Then women crammed their size 10 feet into delicate little size 6 shoes and the podiatrists are still benefiting financially from that today. Hey… this might be a good time to go into practice as an ass crack doctor. Women have got to be doing damage with these thong swimsuits that seem to yank their ass up at an impossible angle.

Funny funny.

spring - fall

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