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2004-03-17 - 12:07 a.m.

The Daggatollah

First I want to say thank you to all my friends who wrote me notes and comments to give support while we were hoping for Dag's recovery and comfort after the hope was gone. My pooch died and my heart is broken. I couldn't muster up much of an entry right away after his death, but I'm going to write this entry to give some more details before I go to bed.

I'm exhausted in a way that comes only from grieving.

This morning at work, the vet called me to tell me the bad news that Dagget had passed away during the night. She said he went peacefully in his sleep, of organ failure. The worms had not yet had a chance to die and start breaking down, so it was strictly the organ failure that killed him.

I am so glad I had the chance to go over and hold my pup for a good long time before he died. I could see how much it lifted his spirits. Binky and I both held him and petted him and spent some good hours with him.

My dad and mom went to pick up his body from the vet so I wouldn't have to do that, and my dad buried my Dagget in the back yard. Dad was sad too. Poor dad. It's hard to be strong all the time and not cry when you really feel sad. I know this, because I do it almost all the time. I can't fight the amount of sadness I have from losing my puppy so I'm not even going to try. I'm sad and that's all there is to it.

We took our other dog to get checked for heart worms and she has them too. She is healthy, so her chances of surviving the treatment are excellent. Ironically, while I care about Abby and I would be sad if she died, I am not attached to her as deeply as I was attached to Daggala. I felt almost frantic in my hope that Dag would live, because I love him so much. I had such high hopes that he would make it through this, but deep down, I suspected he wouldn't.

This sucks worse than most bad things in my life have ever sucked before. I cried all day and just when I think it's all cried out, another wave hits me. My whole family has been sad and crying about the Dagster. We all loved him.

I brought a shirt of mine from home for Dagget to lay on and smell, because it would have the smell of me and of home on it and that would comfort him. When I took it to him, it smelled like me. When my mom gave it back to me today, it smelled like Dagget. He kept his little face right in it. I'm not going to wash this shirt as long as I can still smell Dagget on it.

I am making a page for dagget and there will be a link to it on my page when I get his story written. I have some other pictures of him that I will try to upload from my phone camera. I'm going to tell happy stories about Dagget and write about the funny things he used to do.

I've had pets come and go, but none have affected me like this one. I was really counting on that little dude to live a long life. Right now I feel like I will never get over this and never feel this way about another dog. I know I'll get over it someday, but it just really hurts bad right now.

It's not just the sadness of what happened or the tragedy of what a short life he had. It's the loss of having him with me every day, sitting on my lap, sleeping in my bed, following me around, watching me cook dinner in hopes of catching a few bites along the way. I will sorely miss his companionship and his unconditional love. I said his name many many times everyday. I have caught myself saying it so many times today. I have called the cat "Dag" quite a few times today.

I wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow.

I need to get some sleep. Thanks everyone, for caring about me and my pup. I'll bet Myra quit reading way back there, cause this mess be tearing her up. She has been pretty sad about this whole thing too.

I am planning to try to write notes to each person who left me notes and comments, but in the mean time, thank you, everyone. It means a lot to me that you care.

spring - fall

18 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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