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2004-08-18 - 6:41 p.m.

This isn't going to be easy to write.

If you were not hatched in a lab somewhere and you still have parents, it won't be easy to read. Just think about puppy dogs and rainbows when the visuals start coming to you. The disturbing visuals of your own parents having sex.

Here is the situation I find myself in today:

It's my mother's birthday. I need to go over to her house to deliver birthday presents and birthday hugs and flowers and stuff. But I'm scared. Scared, I tell you. My father, who is a gourmet cook, has spent the afternoon cooking her up a special birthday dinner and I am horrified at the prospect of interrupting "dessert".


My mom is the kind of person that if she is busted, she will blurt so much more info than you ever ever ever wanted to know.

One time I stopped by her house unannounced at about 10:00 am. It took a long time for her to answer the door. The house was unlit, even though they were clearly both home. I am innocent I tell you, and never suspected a thing. When my mom finally came to the door, she was all disheveled, wearing her robe, and somewhat flabbergasted. I didn't catch on until she blurted "This is the only time we have!!"

My reply went something like this:

"Aaauuuuggggghhhhh!!!" Mom was still talking and she was giving me reasons why they were doing the nasty at 10 am!!!

Again, "Aaauuuuggggghhhhh!!!"

This is where I put my fingers in my ears and start going "Lalalaaaaaaa, I can't HEEEEEAAAARRR YOOOOOOOOOU!" as I run for my car.

I don't wanna know. Oh Lord, how I don't wanna know.

Then she wanted me to come inside and visit.


So I am terrified to go see my mom on her birthday because as Myra put it, I might interrupt some "geriatric coitus".


If I don't go over there at all, she might be hurt that she didn't even get a visit from her kids on her b-day. See my dilemma??

What to do? What to doooooo???

spring - fall

7 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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