SWEET MOTHER OF PETE!!!
Have you ever wanted to stop the world and just rewind everything for about 30 seconds to prevent yourself from saying something really mortifying???
I embarassed myself at the Medical Executive Committee meeting tonight. Each month, we have this meeting and I have to give a report regarding my areas of expertise. So tonight, I'm giving my report and I got to the part about the overload of dictation and the need for a transcription service. I said the following:
"The dictation has reeeeeally been rolling in lately. Yep, there is no shortage of dick around here."
Yeah, I said DICK.
In a room full of mostly men. Yep, I'd say there were plenty of dicks alright.
I MEANT to say dictation, but somehow, my mouth just decided not to finish the word. It is tough when your body parts carry on separate lives from your brain and do things without your permission and with absolutely no warning.
I ask you, dear reader, which is more embarassing: Accidentally saying "There's no shortage of DICK around here."
Yelling "TATION, TATION, DICTATION!!!" Directly afterwards?
Did I mention that I am normally very cool and suave? It goes completely against my devastatingly cool image to scream "DICK" in the middle of a Med Staff meeting.
There was a bad bad incident in my distant past that was similar in attrocity and mortification value.
Time Line: Junior freakin high school. Not a good place to humiliate oneself. So here's me... in class... being cool. We were about to watch a film. The lights went down, the film started, and it was blurry. Being all cool and quick, like I was.... I felt it was my place to yell "Focus". This is something I had heard other kids do, without shame. I opened my mouth and instead of yelling "Focus", I yelled out "FERK!"
Yeah. I said "FERK". Tongue just tripped over something... moment of confusion ensues... and a quick recovery attempt is made: I bring up the volume, to gloss over that unfortunate bit I had just uttered, and I reform the word and yell "FERK!!" a second time.
Yeah, I said it again. Exactly the same way, same inflection, same every damn thing. By this time I was a total ball of shame. I wanted to disappear. I mean, it was horrendously embarassing. I turned my head, to see who was looking and this GEEK that sat next to me was looking at me with a bewildered look of confusion on his face.
Wow. Good times, them there Junior High days. Fortunately, I'm a grown up now, so I don't have to worry about accidentally screaming out humiliating words in crowds of my peers. Oh wait....
LISTENING TO: The Wretched - NIN
RANDOM THOUGHT: The word embarass makes me think of "em bare ass". Like, you've mentally had your ass bared.
for everyone's amusement.