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2006-07-14 - 2:32 a.m.

I laughed in bed for about 45 minutes last night, due to a horrible happening that befell our little Libby. For those who may not know, Libby is my sister's 4 year old daughter. To say that she is a handful would be a gross understatement. In an ordinary situation, she's wild. But yesterday, she was in a situation where she was running through an arcade, winning stuffed animals left and right, hearing way more yes than no, seeing more lights, colors, and action than usual. She was insane. She kept breaking and running from us, grabbing things, not looking where she was going, etc.

Two bad things happened as a result of her not listening to us. The first thing was that after being warned repeatedly to stay with us, don't run, and watch out for that puddle of barf, she did a two-footed slide through the puddle of barf, dropping her newly acquired "Stewie" doll right in the puke. Now his name is "Spewie" and he's in the trash downstairs.

But that's not the funny one.

The hi-larious funny thing that happened was when she was running from us and all 3 of us were yelling "WATCH OOOUUUUUTT!!!" and instead of listening, she plowed face first into the crotch of an old asian guy. I mean to tell you, she did a full-on face plant. Her face and both hands went all up in his nether region.

It was SO funny. The man was completely unamused. Libby was embarrassed. Everyone sort of scolded her at once and it was an "I told you so" kind of a scolding. She was embarrassed and there was a little black cloud hovering over her head for a while. Girlfriend was pissed.

What made it all even funnier, was the fact that she kept unknowingly saying things that started us all laughing again. For example... there is a cart where you can buy... guess what? Hot nuts. When Libby was yelling about wanting some hot nuts *somebody* had to mention the fact that she already had a face full of hot nuts.

On down the midway, there was a game in which you can direct the claw and try to pick up little toys. This one was a "Family Guy" game and you could win Stewie, Bryan, Lois, or Peter. JUST GUESS which one Libby had to have???

"I want a peter! Get me a Peter! I need a Peter!! I want Peter!!!"

Libby's brother, who is old enough to get all the jokes gave me a priceless look. We all cracked up again. Libby didn't know exactly why everyone kept laughing, but she knew it was at her expense and she was pretty peeved. She started making this growling noise and every time she did that, I just died all over again. It was truly out of my control at that point. I wanted to stop laughing so bad, because my abs were hurting.

The final straw was when we saw some signs with people's faces showing their great joy, because they just won at the casino or whatever and one of the pictures was an old asian guy who appeared to be grimacing in pain.

That shit did me in and I couldn't even talk right, so I had to scream to Myra: "He looks like he just took a head butt to the crotch!"

I had to stop walking to attempt to regain my composure. I was leaning over a gambling machine laughing and whimpering in pain and since we were all laughing again, Libby got mad and screamed, which destroyed me further. I thought I was going to lose it totally.

I finally recovered, but when I went to bed, I relived it as I was laying there and I laughed for a long, long time.

Do you think Libby learned a lesson from these negative experiences? Do you think she has learned to listen and stop when she is told?

If you said yes, then you're wrong, neighbor. We're going to have to train that one with a shock collar or something.

Poor little accidental comedian.


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