I've figured out something about "the guy" I am looking for.. the one who is going to love me forever, the guy who will love my mind and spirit primarily and my girly parts secondarily, the one who is going to protect me, partner with me, explore life with me, laugh with me, make memories with me, transcend time, and connect with me on a level so close and so intimately bonded that we practically have a telepathic wavelength into one another... yeah, that guy... he doesn't exist.
I was sort of counting on him...
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying men are bad... I'm just saying that love is a total sham and everyone who thinks love will last longer than 5 years is mistaken. Sadly, terribly, mistaken. That's all!
Once that honeymoon period is over, and you hit that crappy real life stuff, your happiness is done for. That's right kids, love is a cruel illusion. In order to have love last longer than 5 years, you've got to have 2 people who are each able to adjust to the normal life after the shiny new stuff is worn off. I hear tell that there is a very rewarding period of deeper love that happens only after that first bloom of passion falls off, but I can't vouch for the validity of that theory.
Love sucks and only exists to torment us. It's a total sham.
Actually, I have been thinking a lot about the human condition and it does sort of suck. I really do have a 5 year theory that is almost as dire as what I jokingly wrote above.
The truth is, I'd rather be by my damn self for the rest of my life than to settle for Mr. Wrong again. I've lived the misery of being stuck in an unhappy marriage and I don't ever want to feel that again.
The most important thing to me in a relationship is that deep, almost telepathic connection between two spirits. I had that once, and it was sweet. I need to find that kind of connection with a guy who is emotionally available and capable of sticking around for the long term. If I can't have that, I don't want anything at all.
Hope is futile.
My guy doesn't exist and I won't settle for anything less. That leaves me in a pretty fucked over position, doesn't it?