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2006-03-17 - 8:48 p.m.

OK, I've been tagged in a whole new way. Mr. Philly has challenged me to come up with 10 politically incorrect or otherwise unsuitable children's stories, because he is E-VIL and would be amused if I were to reveal my depraved depths of wrongness in a semi-public forum.

At first I thought this was going to be a lot of work, but alas, I have lots of experience at thinking up wrong stuff, so I found that I was up to the challenge. I may have to add more titles in the comments or something.

Instead of tagging 5 specific people, I will just challenge any of you who think you have the depravity to come up with 10 nasty little story ideas as I have done below.

I guess the rules go like this: List 10 titles of appalling children's stories in David Letterman Top 10 fashion, the mildest stories starting at 10, working up to the most wrong story at number 1. Make Sense?

Here's mine:

Top 10 Children's Stories That Should Never Be Published:

10) "Grandma is on the roof and we can't get her down" ~Explaining death to your preschoolers.

9) "Santa Claus is a Fat Bitch" ~The story of Christmas in the Ghetto. (premise borrowed from Insane Clown Posse)

8) "Just because mommy likes chocolate, doesn't mean she's a crack-head" ~Little Kenny starts to wonder about his mommy when she loses 40 pounds, her teeth fall out, and all the hershey bars are missing.

7) "Daddy Looks Great in Orange!" ~Little Timmy's dad went away for a long adventure. Each time Timmy and Mommy visit the "Adventure Farm", Daddy is wearing his favorite orange outfit!

6) "So Many Uncles" ~The story of little Johnny's pretty Mommy and dozens of visiting uncles.

5) "Yes Virginia, there IS a boogeyman!" ~A bedtime story for annoying little shits. (my fave)

4) "What kind of religion is "Lesbeterian"?" ~Little Sally comes home from school with a few questions for her two mommies.

3) "No, mommy doesn't want daddy to eat the cat" ~Sometimes kids don't understand the things they overhear.

2) "Ka-Ching! Toothfairy Time!" ~The upside of domestic violence

1) "Real lollipops aren't fleshtoned" ~How you and your friends can avoid molestation

There ya have it. Still love me?


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