2004-03-18 - 9:17 p.m.
I didn't do well at work yesterday, at all. I cried all day. I felt hopeless and devastated the whole day and sick inside. All I could think about was Dagget and what if... what if... what if...
Sad memories... the sight of his grave in the yard... the feeling that I'll never be happy again... thoughts of what I should have done differently.
I got home and took a 5 mg Valium and within 15 minutes, I felt a lot better. Since morning is my saddest time, I took another one as soon as I got up and it really helped me get through today. I was a little tired, a little druggy, but I was able to function without crying. It took the edge off. I feel sad, but the Valium lifted the hopelessness off me and allowed me to stop crying. I've got one for tomorrow morning and I think I'll go ahead and feel the pain over the weekend and do some more processing of this whole situation.
Binky and I took some pictures with my cell phone cam one day last week. The picture at the top of the page was taken on Thursday, when we thought Dagget was fine. We had no clue he was sick. Here he is on Thursday:
And here he is at the vet, on Monday. He died later that night:
He had that sad look and I felt so horrible to have to leave him there that night. I stayed with him as long as I could. Bink and I were the last 2 customers there. He looked sleepy and relaxed when we had to go. I left him with some "I love you"s and told him I would be back in the morning, right before lunch with his favorite toy and a snack. I expected him to be fine in the morning. I thought his real danger time would be in the afternoon, once the worms began to die and break down.
It was pretty damn sad having to look at that toy bug of his and his uneaten can of vienna sausage.
I'm a miserable wretched sack of protoplasm who needs a funny little chihuahua to love. One particular funny little chihuahua. There can never be another Dag. He was one of a kind.
Now: on the brighter side:
Click HERE for a message from a friend of mine
spring - fall
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