We have this patient who came to our facility as an evacuee from the hurricane. He's about 51 years old and his health is not great, but he's healthy enough to have his own apartment. He doesn't need inpatient care anymore. Unfortunately, he doesn't want to leave and he fully intends to stay in the facility until his apartment in New Orleans is rebuilt and reopened. We can't just put him out, but he sho' needs to go.
He's a nice enough person, but he's on my nerves now and it's time for him to go. He loves to chat, he loves to play on the telephones all day long, and he is driving me out of my mind. He adopted an empty office across the hall from my office and he sits there dialing numbers back to back, only getting busy signals for his efforts. He'll sit there for hours and do that. The sound makes me want to go on a rampage. We can't shut the door, because he says he's claustrophobic. I think he's an attention seeker.
He comes to my office way too often and sits there in his wheel chair, clearing his throat until I acknowledge his presence. These visits were ok at first... not great, but tolerable, because there was an end in sight... or so I thought. I have things to do, people! I don't have time to be held as a captive audience by this guy. Today was the last straw. I had 7 minutes to finish a project and get myself to a Tuesday meeting in which we determine how long the patients will be staying.
I was cutting it close already, when I saw in my peripheral vision, the familiar sight of my constant visitor, wheeling up in his chair and blocking my doorway. I pretended not to see him. I was deep in the midst of some work. This was a clear hint for him.
So he cleared his throat.
He snapped something on his wheelchair.
I caved and gave him the flattest stare ever.
He took this as a warm greeting and rolled up in my office. He asked me AGAIN to help him tap into our company network, so he could use our internet access. I have told him repeatedly to just plug in to his phone-jack in his room and use dial-up. He ain't trying to hear that. He wants on the network and he thinks if he keeps asking me the same question, he'll eventually get a different response. I told him it cannot be done.
Just imagine my impassioned plea for his immediate discharge in the meeting today. I told the doc in frantic tones that this guy has got to go. He ain't got to go home, but he gots to get the hell outta our facility. The doctor told me to find out what our legal responsibilities are. So I'm on it like stink on a gut wagon. This dude is going someplace, soon.
Before you even go there, let me just say, this dude has no interest in me romantically. He just likes to visit and he is convinced that I am the gateway to getting himself an internet connection. I'm hypersensitive about the romantic interest thing, since one of the therapists has decided the patient has eyes for me and got waaaay too much fun out of that concept during the meeting. The patient plagues the social worker too. It's not just me.
I'm tired and I have to travel tomorrow if I can get a room reserved someplace down south. I think I'll go collapse now.