Bink and myself went out to a seafood buffet tonight. It was pretty good. The shrimp was extremely good. There were a couple of interesting things that happened while we were there.
We saw an ass that was so big, it had its own weather system. It was a hefty hiner, a colossal caboose, a ginormous jiggler, a gargantuan thong-gobbler, a massive boo-tay. It was out of proportion with the rest of her body. The ass just got carried away and hogged up the majority of the fat cells. Bink said "Sir Mixalot would be in heaven", but I disagreed because he clearly states in his song that you have to be "little in the middle" and this was not the case here.
Aaaaanyway... every time I go to a buffet I see a 400 pounder. And it scares me. Some people are like goldfish. They'll eat till they die. That lady was swimming sideways with a glazed look in her eye.
Also while we were there, an old man walked by and he did the nasty and strangulated cough of a 50 year smoker, then he made a disgusting gargling sound. Bink said "Do you think the snot-gargling was really necessary?" Then we laughed and laughed and laughed.
Bink got a frog leg from the buffet. She said it was pretty good for a frog leg. They are very similar to chicken, but sometimes frog legs are slightly watery. I avoid them. I tried them years ago, out of curiosity, but I don't like the idea of frog legs. Bink extended the leg and wanted me to try it. So I took a bite and immediately felt remorse, not because I bit something gross, but because I pictured a bewildered frog in a tiny wheel chair somewhere. I relayed this sincere feeling to Bink and she laughed until she had tears spurting out.
I've heard some bad things about frog legs. I always thought the frogs were raised or caught and slaughtered for their legs, but this woman I used to work with told me that they are raised on a farm, and their legs are cut off and the frogs are kept alive and they regenerate legs and then get harvested again! This does not have the ring of truth to it, in my opinion, but I suppose it could be true. I hope not.
Kermit the Frog said it best when he uttered the poignant words: "It's not easy being green."
You go, Kermie. You go.