I have funny kid stories to tell.
Last night, I went out to dinner with my sister, myramains, and her two kids. We went to a pretty nice place where we have a customary booth that we usually sit in. The booths are separated by high dividers, so all you can see is the tops of the people's heads as they sit in the next booth.
There was a booth to our left and all I could see was this wicked combover, sitting unattractively on top of the head of some older gentleman. There was a short woman sitting across from him and I didn't see her at all. I would not have noticed him, if Libby hadn't done what she did. The kids had started "playing", which almost always ends up in an unpleasant occurance. The boy had gone under the table and come out on his sister's side and she was flinging a jersey of his back and forth at her full arm's length. Next thing I know... I looked up and saw that jersey sail over the divider and wrap ever so gently over the top of the old guy's head. Still holding on to the edge of the shirt, Libby yanked it back towards herself and it peeled up homey's hair-do in a rather ridiculous fashion.
He wasn't amused.
For the next 10 minutes or so, every time I glanced that way, I saw a glare - actually, I saw 3 glares... one coming off his exposed dome, one coming off his glasses, and the glare of why-don't-you-control-that-kid, coming out of his angry, angry eyes.
Me, Myra, and the boy were all laughing. Y'know... all quiet-like. But Libby was in the fetal position in the corner of the booth, looking like she'd just run into someone's crotch. Complete with the little black cloud hovering over her head. She gets real quiet after she has done something that inadvertantly involves a stranger. It makes the rest of us laugh more.
The other funny thing I have in mind involves the boy. He's 10 years old and he can come up with a good snappy come back once in a while. We get into these family brawls once in awhile and we all like to get into little snap wars and word spars from time to time.
The boy has had a lot of practice, because Myra and I harass him constantly. We tag team him sometimes and he has no chance against us individually, much less when we work in tandem. When we team up on him, he should just close his eyes and pretend we aren't there. But he is a tenacious little spaz and he rarely gives up. The times that he actually caves are the best. It is when he is not trying to be funny that he reaches the pinnacle of humor.
One day recently, we were riding along in the Myra-mobile with Myra driving, when some kind of word spar broke out between the boy and Myra. They went back and forth for a bit and she was just shit-hammering him. All of a sudden he stopped and calmly said "I can't even get back at you with any come backs right now. I am completely foiled and shut down."
He said it in a very resigned and almost monotone voice. FUNNY! It is hilarious to me that those particular words would come out of him. Priceless.
It's like the time his mom got him so good he said "I smacked it up, I flipped it, I lived it, I loved it."
A word of advice:
When a 4 year old says "Smell my finger", DON'T DO IT.