I'm happy to be at home.
I slept in... I missed my chiropractic appointment. I need a massage. I have to make 2 phone calls. And I'm hungry. I am going to go fix 2 of those things right now. I have to make the phone calls, and grab something to eat. Then I shall be back to wow you with my mad writing skillz.
OK - here's how good I am: I fixed three of my problems instead of just two. I booked myself a massage for this afternoon (yay), I contacted the next hospital and told them what I need them to gather up for me so I can do my work for them, and I cooked an omelet. They should call it an omelt, because the cheese is o-melted.
I'm embracing my inner dork today. You can tell by the oh so not funny pun I just included in today's entry.
My dad is the king of bad puns. I blame him for my pun problem.
Last night I made it home with about 15 minutes to spare before time for Survivor to come on, so I greeted everyone and got ready to watch my shows.
Myra volunteered to go get food, but she left the kids with me. During my shows. Those shows which I must have total silence to enjoy. Y'know, the LOUD kids who know no silence. Loud kids + my shows = Cranky Mimi. So Myra said some crazy mess about being gone for "20 minutes" and I thunk to myself "Self, you can do ANYTHING for 20 minutes. You can do this." So I agreed.
We had plan A and Plan B for what kind of food we wanted. My only stipulation was "Not Wendy's... please... not Wendy's". I should have clarified WHY not Wendy's.
You see, while in Leesville for the past 2 weeks, I learned that people in that region apparently see no use for vegetables. Everything is fried, salty, and/or BBQ. I felt unhealthy the first week from eating like a Leesville resident, so during week 2, I lived on salads and baked potatoes from Wendy's. The last thing I wanted to see for dinner last night was a salad. I told Myra that if plans A and B don't work out, because they close early or something, then maybe Subway would be good. I was thinking of soft bread, cheese, and tangy yellow peppers. But I didn't say that.
So Myra leaves for "20 minutes" and I play with the kids until 9:15 when I suddenly realized I'd missed the first 15 minutes of ER. I quieted the chillins, which was no light weight feat, and they still climbed me the whole time. Elvis Jr. Farted in my general direction twice, until I threatened to stop up his poot shoot with my shoe, and I heard about 33% of what was said on my show. Myra finally returns (I thought she'd seen her chance and skipped town) after being gone for an eternity. I watched all of ER and played with the kids a half hour before that while she was gone. It was 10:00 pm, I was starved and she was telling me plans A & B fell through so she went to Subway and since she knows I'm sick of fast food, she got me ..... get ready for this.... A BIG SALAD!!!!! Not a sandwich with soft bread and extra yellow peppers.... no.. a salad. A damn salad. A mother beepin salad.
She was all deflated that I wasn't happy about my salad so I said "Oh well... I can eat this. What kind of dressing did you get?" She got honey mustard for herself and for me she got ranch. Well yay. I like ranch. But then... I saw the horror.... and she saw the horror.... it was FAT FREE! I don't eat fat free ranch dressing. I like fat-FULL ranch dressing. The fatter the better.
At this point I just gave up and said "F*ck dat, I'm going to get a sandwich". I was the last customer at Subway. But my sandwich was good.
Myra tried. She had good intentions. She didn't know that I had survived on Wendy's salads for the past week and was so sick of it that Salad was the ONE SPECIFIC THING I just couldn't make myself eat last night. Ironic how perfectly awful that turned out.
She was gone so long because some of the restaurants close at 9 pm, because they are stupid and lazy and they hate to make money. Only a few close that early, but they just so happened to be our first and second choices of the night. She was driving around like a fiend trying to find a restaurant to get something and get back.
We had a good laugh about it.
And now, Gentle Reader, I must go. I've got to get ready to go get that massage.