Here comes another convoluted, cryptic report of wrong-doing and corporate hijinks at a place I go to every day but cannot name for fear of googling co-workers. I also cannot state directly what my skills are and the name of the departments involved for the same googly reasons. Capice?
This might be a hard story to tell with all the covertness, but maybe I can be hypothetical and clear at the same time.
OK - Scoopola:
A very good friend of mine recently resigned her position due to pressure from our warring factions within the very top brass of our company. She is being well taken care of by one of these big cheeses. The other big cheese blamed her for everything that ever went wrong in the western hemisphere, since the dawn of mankind. For the record, he was wrong about her. She represents all things made of goodness and light.
He replaced her with his answer to the best thing since sliced bread. This new person is going to fix everything in record time and cause many orgasmic moments of monetary bliss and fiscal security to come to our bosses. I have supplied her with everything she needed to begin the process of the task she has before her.
Today I got 2 letters from a certain organization that as you may guess, I cannot name. This organization holds such power that they can have our collective asses on a platter if they so wish, for any infraction of their rather exhaustive list of sins.
These letters showed me that our new person has no earthly idea of what she is doing. She sinned big. It's so bad, I cannot even believe it myself. She did no sinning on purpose, it was all due to overwhelming, mind-blowing levels of incompetence. Both letters detailed simple, simple mistakes that were made in the data that was sent to them from our new person. The mistakes were so very elementary that it's almost incomprehensible. It has to be straightened out immediately, because left unfixed, it could bring down the whole mountain, as it were.
Here's how: She made a very big mess of things with not just simple mistakes, but also with one big horrible mistake. I don't know how extensively she repeated this one, but basically, she um... requested money from God for services we never rendered to the names in question. She took names from our other locations and filed them under our special ID number that is only for services rendered at this one location. Not good. So very not good.
Bottom line, if you request money from "God" erroneously, and have the misfortune of actually receiving that money, you're screwed.
I'm the only one with sense enough to realize what is happening and stop the madness. Out of 5 locations, I'm the only one who noticed that something is rotten in Denmark.
I alerted the financial dude. He made light of the situation at first. So I 'splaned him a thing or two, and he had to go change his drawz.
Do I even have to state that I absolutely love my job? It is just a big sloppy pile of never-ending fun and fascination. I want the company to survive... although it may not sound that way since I am so wildly amused at their chronic misadventures.
Fortunately for them, they have me to see these things and stop them before the excrement hits the oscillator. It's a volatile work environment and I could be considered overpaid or something at any time. I certainly have no security there, but they reeeeeeally need me. More than they even know.
Meanwhile I am learning everything I need to know about my next career move.
Career-wise, it's great to be me right now. My love life is still sucking like a hoover. If it gets any worse, my love life could turn into a black hole and devour all forms of life on earth as we know it.
You don't want that to happen.
I'm just saying.