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2003-08-23 - 3:01 p.m.

DOES MY FAMILY KNOW HOW TO CELEBRATE OR WHAT?

Last night was the night of the painful birthday party, filled with glassy eyed adults, having cake and presents while hoping not to spark off another cryfest. We really know how to party like rock stars.

At one point in the evening, I was reminded of a certain Mother's Day celebration dinner we all had together at the local Cracker Barrel Restaurant.

We celebrated in rare form that evening.

I am a mother, my sister is a mother, and the two of us had each been told by our wonderful spouses the following words of love: "Uh, you ain't my mother, why should I buy YOU a present?" So already, the day was off to a heart warming start. We knew there were jackasses in our midst, but still, we were determined to have a nice family dinner at the nice family restaurant.

Dad, Mom, Me, my kid, my then-husband, my sister, her husband, and her kid were all at the big round "family" table. My daughter always has a hard time making up her mind about what to order, and this is ok with me. My ex, however, was very gruff with her and kept aggressively insisting that she "pick something". He was so continuous with his prodding, that he was actually blowing her mind and making it impossible for her to think straight and make a decision. If he had shut his hole, she would have been ready by the time her turn to order came up, but no......... Captain hoof in mouth had to press on.

Eventually, the kid hit critical mass and the tears started rolling down her cheeks. I knew that she was crying because he had humiliated her in front of everyone. I shot him a "go to hell" look and then I started crying because she was crying.

At this, my mom and sister both teared up, my dad's head turned purple, and my brother in law stared at the table looking like a pillar of salt.

Every male at the table was awkward as hell and every female at the table was crying. A few of us looked at Assley Asshole the jerk who started it all, and he just looked at me, utterly confused and said "Whaaaaat?" Like he had no idea why anyone would be upset.

Gosh kids, why did I ever let him go?

We laugh about that fiasco now. It wasn't funny at the time, but that whole scene was like something out of a sitcom. Do you ever find yourself living a sitcom? It's kind of surreal.

To our credit, we usually have a fun time at family gatherings and usually no one cries. There is usually a lot of hugging, laughing, eating, and fun times.

Last night I told my parents "Ok, this is the last divorce for our bunch." My dad said "Well, there's just one marriage left and that's me and mom." And I said "Yeah, well you can forget about it. You two are stuck like chuck!!!" hehe.

If my parents ever got a divorce I'd be the shockedest person on the planet. My parents are the lovey doveyest people around. This has gone on for over 40 years. It's disgusting. But we love em.

spring - fall

3 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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