Disclaimer: The entry you are about to read could very well ramble forth quite a bit as I am about to attempt to work out my current obsessive thought process right here.
So I am moving.
I decided to take a full time position with my company and not be on a consulting basis anymore. As much as I am sick of what I do, I made this decision because I would just have to be completely out of my mind to pass up this job offer. I'll be a corporate leader, working in several new facilities that we have opened and more we will open across Texas. Big salary. Benefits. Lots of room to move up and get raises. I think I can fix my disillusionment with the industry, since I'll be on payroll and they don't screw people on the payroll side of things because there are swift penalties for that sort of thing. I was mostly tired of having to fight for money that is owed to me. That gets really old. So.. moving.... yeah.
I am packing up a few things and moving out of the house I share with my sister and her two chillins. I am going far, far away... all the way over into the next state. I'll be a good 5 hours away from my loved ones and all up in the middle of decidedly *unloved* ones and unknown ones. Many of whom, are criminals. (big city, high crime rate)
It's a little traumatizing. Or a lot traumatizing.. changing constantly from one moment to the next. Part of me is excited about the move, the new place to live, the new people to meet, the fact that this city has absolutely every store, restaurant, and cultural event known to mankind.. but I sort of fear change and dread the unknown and I am really, really, really attached to my family, even though I have holed up in my room for the past 8 months playing an online game.
I think being alone because I need to play SL but knowing they are all right here is going to be way different from being alone because everyone I love is 5 hours away or more.
I also have been co-parenting these kids and I am going to miss their loud annoying little asses. Plus, they need two parents and I'm their other one. The little one has no memory of not living with me. She only remembers living in the house with me. I will miss the daily talks that I have with my sister. We have a lot of laughs together and I'm going to miss that so much. My parents are here and I won't be able to just go over there at any moment, not that I spend all that much time over there, but now I have to think about all the time I could have been spending but didn't. Then there's Bink. She is living her own life and I have not seen enough of her lately and now I'm moving away. Family reasons are the only downside to this move though.
Here is what I have to put in the front of my mind to even be able to move forward with this: If I get moved and just hate it, and feel miserable, I can come back. I still own a house here, and I can come back. I also can come visit on weekends. Every weekend if I want to, but that drive gets seriously old after a while. I won't want to do it every week. They can also come visit me. This is all reversable changes, but I have to give it time for adjustment because it is really a good thing, disguised as a suck ass traumatic experience. I have to at least do my 6 month lease.
On the upside, the sister is excited about having the house to herself. She is going to stay here and hold the fort down and it will be her place. She's going to take care of Abby and Posh, the fur babies, and I'm grateful for that. She's excited about making this place her own. I am excited about moving into a totally new environment. But if I hate it, I'll come back and louse up sister's good thing. hehehe
The apartment complex I chose is really nice. The grounds are pretty and it is all inside a huge foresty area so there are big trees all over the place. The whole town looks landscaped. There is a very fancy grocery store next door to the complex, and a whole shopping center right there. I am also happy to report that my favorite new neighbor is a Starbucks!! Jason's Deli is also close by, and for those of you who do not know about Jason's Deli, let me tell you, it's da bomb diggety.
My apartment has high ceilings and a walk in closet. The kitchen is nice and has good appliances, ice maker, microwave, washer and dryer included. It has 2 balconies, though I'm on the ground floor so it's really patios. These are very nice apartments. There is a big club house with a pool table and there is a great big fitness center and a nice pool with BBQ grills. The complex itself is very close to the interstate that I take into work, so it's all very convenient.
I will have a commute, but no matter where I live, I will have either a time consuming commute or be living in a dangerous place. That is the trade off. Either you live where it is convenient and hope you live to tell about it, or you move to a safer suburb. I'm going with the safety option.
Now look. I spent 7 months living in Shreveport at a casino hotel and coming home on the weekends. I spent many more weeks out of town at other places and home on weekends, so it is not so very different with this. I can be up there working all week and come home on the weekends until I get sick and tired of that drive. I guess that is what I will have to do to make this feel less traumatic. This feels different because I am actually getting a new residence. I need to stop thinking of it as a new residence I guess and just figure I'm going to be on the job during the week and home on the weekends.
My family has wanted to leave this state for years and we talk about it every year around summer time. I always figured I would be the one to leave first. That's me... I'm the trail blazer. Blazin the trails.
I need to stop thinking about this.
I just want my second life stuff to be stable. As long as my spikey boy is there for me and my little island is ok, at least I have that bit of stability. No matter where I roam in real life, my second life address is the same. It really comforts me to have that during times like this.
Life is scary, kids. I have that feeling though that while this is scary and traumatic and kind of bad to go through, on the other side of this move are good things. Something had to happen. I think the past few years sharing a house with my sister and her kids was good for me and it was good for them. It's time for the next new thing now and as scary and awful as it is in ways, it is good in other ways and necessary.
But that doesn't stop me from being totally messed up. I suspect I will feel like I'm going to a funeral until I have actually moved. Then I will probably feel like it isn't so bad. But if it is so bad... I'm coming back. So don't get too comfy, sister. hehe