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2004-01-21 - 4:03 p.m.

When a joke gets out of hand…

This goofball doctor I work with has decided that my assistant is a dead ringer for “Newman” from Seinfeld. Unfortunately, my assistant is female and it’s not such a good thing to be compared to Newman, regardless of gender. Double unfortunate is the fact that it’s true. She does look like Newman with a mullet.

Doc is quite proud of himself and vastly amused for having made this discovery. He barged into my office yesterday with a big grin on his face and proceeded to tell me all about it. Later on that day, he returned, again, with a big wacky grin, and he sat down in the chair across from my desk to “shoot the breeze”. My assistant was in the room, so he took advantage of that by saying to me “How’s your friend Newman?”


Not being one to voluntarily hurt someone’s feelings, I played it off as best I could, but I gave him the hairy eyeball, which he enjoyed immensely. I think it just egged him on.

This morning, he popped in again to grin at me and ask me how my friend Newman is doing, and then he made like Emeril and kicked it up a notch. He sent someone else to ask me “How’s Newman?”

At the time of this writing, I’ve been approached by 3 different people and asked “How’s Newman?”


“Newman” doesn’t suspect anything yet, but I’m wondering how long it will be before she asks me who Newman is.


Newman with a mullet.

I’m afraid that everyone in this hospital is going to be buzzing about Newman and then it’s going to come out what it all means.

Then she’s going to cry, and then she’s going to get mad, and then she’s going to go postal with a semi-automatic weapon. I’m her supervisor, so naturally, I’ll be the first one to be shot while hiding under my desk. It ain’t going to be nothing nice.

This particular doctor is all about inappropriate laughter, pranks, and bad jokes. I really like him a lot. Sometimes he jokes about things that aren’t funny to the victim, such as being fat or ugly. You’re not supposed to joke people about things that are true flaws. He missed the memo on that though.

One day recently, we were having a mini-meeting in my office and our Director of nurses, who is a large woman, wasn’t in the room when he insulted her, fortunately… but the discussion was that Doc wanted ME to go to the administrator and complain about the way one of our procedures is being carried out. I refused, because it is a political ploy that I don’t want to be involved in, so one of the other ladies said “Let’s get “Ann” to do it, because this is a nursing issue, so as Director of Nurses, she carries more weight than “Wilberteets”. Without missing a beat he said “Boy, you ain’t kidding!”. The lady he said that to gasped in shock, which delighted him, and he said “I’m going to go right now and tell her that you said she’s fat. See ya!” And left the room. Haha. It was funny. He left the other lady red in the face and flabbergasted.

He gets that a lot.

It’s his favorite reaction.

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