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2004-01-25 - 9:37 a.m.

I WONDER...

If I have already told the story about the time I almost cleaned my own clock.

The fact that I can't remember whether I told it or not indicates it was long enough ago that I can tell it again anyway, so here goes:

Every once in awhile I do something that is, shall we say, not as well thought out as it could be.

I decided one happy day that my oven clock was dirty and worse yet, it was dirty on the inside. I suddenly realized that the only possible way to right this horrible wrong was to take the clock out of the panel and clean it.

I got a trusty screw driver and butter knife and went to town on it. I gingerly gouged the clock out of it's resting place and started cleaning it, using a sharp knife to get into all the tiny places.

I forgot to unplug the oven.

I ignored the "Jaws" theme music playing in the background. I didn't sense the danger at all.

I was in there, touching all the electrical wires and stuff with knives and a wet rag. I briefly ran while holding a pair of scissors. Finally, when fate had tired of toying with me, I made contact with some electrical something that I shouldn't have and there was a very sudden, and very loud !!BANG!! - which sounded just like a gunshot, and sparks flew all over the place from the clock. It was very bright and sparkly. Then it was very smokey and blackey and electrical firey.

I then realized that I could have electrocuted myself and I was actually pretty lucky not to have killed my crazy ass. That would have been tres embarassing.

How many people get laughed at by St. Peter when they reach the pearly gates?

Anyway, I survived fairly unscathed, but my oven never worked again. The burners worked, but the inside part was overwith. I could have had it repaired, but instead, I bought a big toaster oven, because just me and Binky lived here and we didn't have a need for a lot of cooking apparatus.

We lived by the toaster oven and the microwave.

I have been planning to get a new oven for quite some time and Friday after work seemed like just the time to do it, so off I went to Lowe's where they have a really good selection.

I bought me a cool new range that is stainless steel. So lovely, so attractive. So expensive.

Hello neighbor, did you know you can pay a shitload for a new oven and not have a way to plug it in? Well Mister Rogers is here to tell you that you CAN!

The delivery guys showed up with this fabulous range and asked me if I had bought a cord!!!!!!! I told them "I just crazily assumed it would have a built in cord, afterall, it's brand new and why would you sell an incomplete item and not tell the customer there's something else to buy?"

They must get this reaction a lot because they just HAPPENED to have a new cord in the truck. Lucky me. Nay, lucky them. I was already semi-planning to tell them to take it all back to the store if they couldn't make it work. I also bought a Maytag dishwasher, which is also stainless steel and they couldn't hook it up for me. There's a plumber guy coming out to do that. I just couldn't let them bring me 2 appliances and not be able to use either one when they left.

So they hooked up the new range and delivered the dishwasher, which is still in the box in the kitchen, waiting for the plumber to come do an install.

The new range looks so nice I don't want to use it. But I do want to use it. I'm so happy.

The stainless steel looks great, and it matches my microwave perfectly. I had this cool stainless steel microwave from GE and the oven is also GE and the handles match.

Next, I am going to buy a stainless steel side by side fridge. Soon. I paid cash for everything, so I didn't want to plunk down another 1200 bucks, plus, the salesman reminded me that I need a water line installed for the ice maker. I will have to get a plumber to do that.

I was thinking I would buy a stove and a dishwasher and spend around 1,000.00.

WRONG

Dead wrong. It was over $1,600.00. And let me tell you, when you go to buy appliances, everything they have on the low cost and medium cost level looks like it's constructed out of manure and toothpicks. Everything is shit until you get up into the price range where they want you to be. Then it's glory from heaven and it does EVERYTHING YOU EVER WANTED AN APPLIANCE TO DOOOOOOOO.

And I had the money, so I went for it.

Damn skippy.

Why live with shitty appliances when for a mere few hundred more you can have fabulous glory from heaven? The appliances of the divine.

Did I mention that my sink is stainless steel too? My kitchen looks so state of the art now.

I really wanted that fridge.

I gots to have it.

spring - fall

3 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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