Have you ever noticed that....
There are always circus sized fat people at all you can eat buffets?
Everyone ahead of you on the highway is an idiot slowpoke, but everyone behind you is a leadfooted maniac?
Eating ice makes you have to pee more than just drinking stuff?
Every workplace has a raging asshole that everyone hates to deal with? (and if you cannot identify the raging asshole in your workplace... it's you.)
You guys had rather hear about covert spooge deposits than anything else?
Time flies, even if you're not having fun?
In business, there are not that many people who see the big picture? Most people just see their little tiny cog in the big wheel.
That the previous item was not funny in the least and almost sparked me into a full on rant?
Kids can be running along in a public place, trip over their own feet, hit the floor like a frickin dart, roll a time or two, then jump up and keep on trucking, not even considering being embarrassed. Imagine taking a spill like that in public as an adult.
People are very entertaining if you just watch them.
Ok, now I am going to abandon this list and just talk about my experience at The Golden Corral. It's a buffet. I ate there last night, by myself. So, without a person to talk to, I just looked around and watched the people who were there. Some of them were VERY unappetizing. Some were funny. One woman was extremely skinny, shriveled even... looked like 57 years of hard living, and had on a neck brace with pins. Unappetizing. But the really notable thing about her was that she had on a thin T shirt and no bra and her shriveled up boobicles looked JUST LIKE that old lady's boobs on "There's Something About Mary". Remember the old lady boobs?? It's burned into my mind's eye. I'll never be that. I'll SO get a boob job first.
I saw a lady whose ass was so big, she was literally in pain trying to drag it around the restaurant. I stopped eating right after I watched her cripple by. I thought "Do I really need the rest of this fried shrimp? No, I think not." So thank you stranger lady with the huge ass.
I saw a couple of kids trot by, and one of them smooth dropped a cupcake right on the floor and didn't even glance down. Just kept going. Right after that, another little girl took a ridiculously comical spill and just rolled on by like it was on purpose.
A lummox kept grinning at me. I think he was the manager. He was all smiles, that one. I only say he's a lummox because he looks just like the lummoxes on Ren and Stimpy. Incidentally, I do not know how to spell lummox.
There were other people that I'd feel guilty talking about, because they were not amusing, just unusual. I don't want to seem insensitive, but it must have been gimp night at the golden corral. Ha!! Just kidding! (Not)
Fo real doe.
I *may* be going to hell.
OK. back to work.