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2006-06-19 - 7:46 p.m.

We went out to eat again tonight. We are relentless restaurant patrons. We need to start cooking more and going out less.

But it was good.

Something funny happened while we were there. We were seated at a booth that had... issues. One bench seemed to be up higher than the other side. My sister, myramains was sitting on the afflicted side of the booth. I was comfortable on the normal side.

They have the tables affixed to the walls, which doth suck heartily, so you can't move it around any at all. To make matters worse, some of the tables are installed wrong in that restaurant and this particular bench was way too close to the unmovable table, making it very difficult to slide into and out of this seat. The bench was also sitting too high, making it even tougher to exit the booth. So as Myra was trying to slide across the bench to get out, she said "This is like some kind of chinese ass trap!"


My nephew morphed into some kind of blithering idiot immediately following a huge sugar-filled dessert that he shouldn't have had, and he proceeded to irritate Myra almost to the point of murder, all the way home. She stopped at 2 stores on the way home looking for an airhorn so she could blast him in the face with it during one of his noise making marathons. She didn't let him go into the stores, nor did she tell him what she was stopping for. This will just be a nice surprise. She didn't find one, but believe me, an airhorn will soon be acquired.

I am going to make a special trip to Wally World if I have to, so I can buy a big fat airhorn. My annoying nephew likes to come up close to me and then make the loudest most shrieky spazatron noise he can muster up in his 10 year old, no-limit-having vocal cords. He thinks he is very humorous. But very soon my friends, he is going to approach me, make the noise, and I am going to blast him into next week with an airhorn. I don't want a small pansy-like airhorn either. I want a bad mamma-jamma that will blow his hair back, wilt his nostrils, and hopefully cause him to faint a little, and then vomit.

Yes. That's the ticket.

That boy has got it coming.

Hey... that reminds me: We very recently went to the chinese place and a cute little girl who was probably about 2 years old was playing peekaboo with us against our will while we were trying to eat. I gave her the universal shush sign and eventually just said "Hey little girl, turn around and eat your food". Because I'm mean to small children for a hobby. She did finally give up and turn around. We were no fun. But oh, how an airhorn would have increased the fun.

That is another great example of a good use for an airhorn. Can you imagine what would happen if the little monster kicking the back of your airplane seat, or the kid who won't stop shrieking in a restaurant suddenly got a face full of ~~!!!BONNNNK!!!~~

It would probably lead to a physical altercation between me and the kid's parents, but it would be really fun until the cops got there.

Another good place to have an airhorn is in the movie theater. Imagine the reaction in that row of chatty teenagers when you slowly reach your arm out there, right behind the most talkative one's head, and blast them for all you're worth!!

Airhorns would be handy for effectively letting the person who cut in line in front of you know that you'd appreciate a little more courtesy.

I could think of many uses for the airhorn. I'm definitely getting one.

I hope I don't get arrested.

spring - fall

8 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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