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2006-07-19 - 4:53 p.m.


Thanks to yesterdays' comments, I am forced to talk about the unfortunate situation that happened to me at the wedding. And I have some other 'splaining to do as well.

First of all, let me say that it pains me greatly to admit that I have a child old enough to be getting married. But let me quickly add that since I had her at the tender age of 3, I am still a spring chicken. We are frequently mistaken for sisters and in fact, just yesterday, I had an extended argument with a couple on the airplane home who did not believe that I was the mother of the bride. They said they thought I was a college student. Bless their little crazy insane hearts.

My parents were there to validate what I had told them after the man of the couple stood up and said: "We're getting to the bottom of this right now!" Then he went to my parent's seats and hit them up for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them God.

Anyhoo... the women folks in our family tend to get married early and I was only 18 when I got married. My mom was 16 at her wedding. Needless to say, I'm not much older than my kid and my mom is not much older than me.

Another thing you should know is that I had a pretty serious crisis a few years ago in which I came to the unsettling realization that all I was in this life was my daughter's mother.

I felt that I needed to get a life that had nothing to do with being "mom". This blog was one way of doing that. That's why you don't often see me mentioning that I have a child. This blog was supposed to be only random stuff about the aspects of me that are not about motherhood or socker mom types of things. I used to be somebody before I had a kid. Ya know? I thought I might reconnect with that person through this blog. And I have.

The "Binky" that I mention sometimes is my daughter. She's my buddy, my pal, the best accomplishment of my life. I'm very proud of her and she turned out to be a beautiful person inside and out who has found someone wonderful to be with. We went to Reno as a family to be at her wedding. The groom grew up in Reno. We will probably all end up living there eventually.

SO THERE I WAS... sitting on the front row... the MOTHER OF THE BRIDE. I was on some serious medication (Klonopin) to help me cope because the LAST thing Miss Teets EVER wants to do is make a big emotional scene. I totally thought I had it under control. I had a couple of tears brimming my eyes, but I was doing pretty well until the freakin bullfrog let fly with this crazy ridiculous braying noise.

It was a very quiet, serious moment in the ceremony when suddenly there came this LOUD noise that sounded EXACTLY like a donkey braying. My first thought was "Oh Great. How did a donkey get in here?" My second thought was "Donkey serenade" and this was follwed by a visual image of a donkey on it's hind legs braying out a serenade with a love struck look on it's face. That stupid image caused me to come totally unhinged right there during the ceremony.

I want you to know I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I just suddenly exploded into a crazy laughing fit. I tried to stop it, by clapping my hand over my mouth. This move did not work at all and in fact, added a big stupid raspberry effect to the whole crazy laughter noise that was already dominating the whole park. I was blowing lots of air and laughter and plenty of my voice through my fingers while my hand was firmly clapped over my mouth. Not good.

This craziness came in waves and on about the third wave, I realized I was not only laughing, but I was also sobbing and crying.

Have ya ever?

It was so surreal, laughing and crying loudly at the same time. It was almost like I was observing as well as being the one making the scene. I looked at my mom and I was thinking "What am I going to do?" I knew I could not be stopped.

The groom started laughing. Bink looked around at me and said "Mom?" And I continued like a psychotic idiot. Several people laughed and several people cried. My ex patted me on the shoulder, because he knew I was having some kind of a fit. He knows how serious I am about not being in the spotlight.

The pastor appeared to be glaring at me, because I was messing up her spiel. I wished fervently that I could shut myself up, but there was just no stopping it. I hate it extra much, because there are histrionic individuals who do that sort of display as a way of getting everyone's attention and that is SO not who I am. I just abhor the thought that people who don't know me might think I'm one of those attention seekers that everyone hates. Ack.

I embarrassed myself so bad. I cannot even describe the suckitude. It was mighty.

Just when I thought I might be able to tone it down... reel it back in a little... I looked around and saw my sister... POINTING AND LAUGHING. Not the dainty laugh of a demure lady.. oh no. She was all uproarious with it. Mouth wide open, gutteral laughter spewing forth with the bony finger of shame pointing directly at me.



Then I just laughed and screamed some more.


I took a bunch of pictures and I'm not in any of them, so don't even ask me why I'm not in the pictures when I get them uploaded. I'm not posting any of the pics of me, because I cried all my makeup off and looked stupid in the pictures and would rather my day of shame not be immortalized for everyone to see.

I'll take some new pics of me one of these days in the semi near future, after I lose the 6 pre-wedding pounds and the several vacation pounds I'm sure I must have packed on while I ate everything I wanted in Reno.

So that's what happened to me at my daughter's wedding.

I don't remember anything about the ceremony. I didn't hear any vows. I don't know what happened. Egads.

There are times when I am completely out of control. This, my friends, was one of them.

I'll get my pictures uploaded and show you a thing or two very soon.

My sister asked me if I learned any lessons from all this and I said "Yes. I learned that Klonopin is useless."

Did I mention that I had to apologize to everyone for laughing and crying uncontrollably during the wedding?

Yeah. I'm a 'tard.

One lady said "That's alright honey, you gave everyone else permission to feel."

Feel, indeed.

I guess I cannot be accused of not caring.

spring - fall

9 This comments thingy doesn't work now because I let my paid membership lapse.

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