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2003-07-07 - 9:53 a.m.

This is "Part II" of "Why 7 Year Olds Shouldn't Watch Southpark", but it is actually a prequel, since this attrocity happened first.

My mom, the grandma, was watching my 7 year old, lesbian, alcoholic, Elvis impersonator nephew for the day. A few of her church lady friends were over for a bible study or some such when Elvis decides to hop out into the middle of the room and regale the ladies with a steamy rendition of "Chocolate Salty Balls" from the Southpark CD.

If you haven't heard the song, it's done by the ever nasty "Chef" character. The lyrics are appallingly nasty. So the boy jumps out front and center, strikes a dramatic pose, and belts out "Hey everybody have you seen my balls, they're big and salty and browwwwn..." ::collective shock, gasping, and choking noises are heard from the little old ladies:: a blur of horrible lyrics progresses and grandma snatches a still singing Elvis out of the room by the nape of his neck just as he hollers "put em in your mouth and suckem!". ::the sound of old ladies fainting and Elvis Jr. giggling his face off can be heard::

Yeah. He just laid it on em. His music comes first. He lives to perform.

On Saturday night, I was at his house and he came out wearing underwear on his head, with a toilet paper roll stuck under the band on either side of his face. I guess that was his turbo power rocket launcher apparatus. I was wishing I had my digital camera so I could post a picture of this guy. You guys need to see who we're talking about here. God made him cute so we wouldn't kill him. He finds much humor in all things inappropriate.

He heard that soundtrack ONE TIME and committed it to memory. That's the way it is with kids. The more attrocious it is, the more melded it is into their evil little minds. And it sits there like a powder keg, waiting for the best possible time to go off. But it sho' makes good fodder for the journal.

~wilberteets

spring - fall

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