This evening, Gentle Reader, my mind is occupied with a serious topic. A topic that has been contemplated and widely discussed all over the media.
Is Spongebob Squarepants gay?
Squarebob Gaypants? Gaybob Spongepants? It's all so confusing!
This startling accusation has got the christian community completely up in arms and the scrutiny is starting to extend to other cartoon characters. Verily, not a creature of animation will be safe from the bony finger of blame.
Did you check out that scarf Fred wears on Scooby Doo? Do I even have to mention "Peppermint Patty"? A couple of days ago, I actually heard Dora the Explorer being referred to on television as a "Carpet muncher".
I think I can clear up the mystery of Spongebob's sexuality.
YES!! Spongebob is OBVIOUSLY gay and proud. Patrick and Spongebob raised a baby clam together. They each had coffee mugs that said "Dad". Sandy the squirrel is butch.
Ok, so we've established that Spongebob is gay as an Easter Bonnet. Now what? Do you really think the kids are "deciding" their sexuality based on what floats Spongebob's little yellow boat?
And aren't the little sea creatures we call sponges asexual? I could be wrong about that, but a lot of sea creatures are asexual and can reproduce without a male and a female. Sea horses have everything reversed, I think. My research is ... uh.... lacking... but I seem to remember something about the male sea horses carrying the young or doing all the "child care". I don't remember. I'm thinking male sea horses get pregnant and carry the young.
Wait a minute... something major has been overlooked here! I haven't heard anything about the wonton mixing of species! Patrick is a star fish and Spongebob is a sponge, and that's GOT to be just as bad as Spongebob failing to knock the tiny boots of a girl Sponge.
You know what? I wouldn't change one thing about Spongebob. Bless his little same-sex-loving heart.
I will be here in Shreveport all week. This is good. I get to rest at my favorite hotel and do some things in my office here that need to be done. I have to write a good presentation for the physicians at a few of our hospitals. I'm getting to be a popular meeting attendee all of a sudden. All these hospitals have written me in the past couple of days and invited me to attend their monthly meetings to give presentations. Naturally, they are all scheduled right together. This will work out well for 2 of the meetings down south. These are the details that are only interesting to me... so I'll just sign off now before I type out any more meaningless tidbits of flurbfph.