I've always considered myself to be child-friendly. I like the tykes. I'm cool with the ankle biters. I'm generally not in favor of child killing, or even the milder activity of child abuse. Tonight, all my formerly held views of children were challenged.
This evening, I ventured out to the hotel restaurant to try the dinner special which was weinerschnitzel. I'm not making this up. I love German food.
So I entered the rather fancily dressed out restaurant, noticed the candle light, the quiet toned voices, the fine table settings and linens.
And then I noticed the non-stop nature of the grating, screechy, insistent yodel of a small child who was just repeating himself endlessly. He appeared to be 4 or 5. He was cute, but I soon realized he would be much cuter with a tube sock in his mouth and duct tape over his perpetually flapping maw. Mommy was tuning junior out. He wasn't bothering her at all. She probably enjoys the sound of nails on a blackboard too.
The kid never shut up. He never once shut his pie hole. Throughout my dinner, which I gobbled like a heathern so I could get away from the kid faster, he caterwauled, whined, wheedled, begged, announced things, and made inappropriate comments. He was shouting. Full scale yelling. The whole room was quiet, but he was yelling at the top of his lungs.
It wasn't all bad. I had a few laughs watching that little screeching spider monkey. At one point, early on, he yelled "EEEWWWWWW!!!! MOMMY FARTED!!! MOMMY FAAAAAARRRRRRRRTTTED. SHE DID!! MOMMY FARTED, DIDN'T YA MOMMY?"
Mommy was mortified, but not enough to take junior to the bathroom for a little shut-the-hell-up therapy.
In another funny moment, the guest of honor, a 23 year old female, was opening a birthday present and while she was opening it, the kid starts yelling "THAT CAME FROM WALMART!! IT CAME FROM WALMART...HEY HEY HEY... THAT CAME FROM WAAAAAAAALLL MAAAARRRRRT"
After the funny moments were over, the constant racket became very annoying. The kid's voice just never stopped. He had a continuous monologue going the entire time I was there. It got so irritating, that after awhile I started amusing myself with thoughts of different approaches I could take towards cluing the family in that junior's antics aren't cute to the other patrons.
One thing I thought of and seriously considered doing for a quick minute was to walk up behind the kid's head and yell "SHUT UP!!! SHUT UP YOU LOUD MOUTHED MISBEHAVED HYPERACTIVE LITTLE FARTKNOCKER!!! SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!"
He would have cried and I would have laughed. And possibly I would have gotten arrested. But still, someone should let the little darling know he is too loud.
Another thing that ran through my head was the idea of going up to the mother and telling her that if she would look at her child occasionally and speak to him once in a while, he would stop repeating everything 800 times.
The really annoying thing about the whole situation was that the table had 6 adults, presumably relatives of this little tard, and every one of them ignored everything he did. He was clanging dishes with his silverware, he was getting out of his chair and running around, he was yelling about farting, he yelled at his mother several times. No one gave him the slightest bit of guidance or tried to calm him down in any way. They just tuned him out.
The noise level coming off that kid was higher than most birthday parties with multiple warblers screeching at top capacity. I couldn't believe it. I just had to hurry up and get out of there.
I'm back now in the peace and quiet of my room. The twitching and fist clenching has eased up a little. I'll probably be able to relax by 1 or 2 in the morning.