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2003-07-06 - 3:18 a.m.

Disclaimer: I am not a homophobe. I love my gay friends. I do not wish to insult any lesbians with the tales I must relay here. Rock on, Lesbian princesses, rock on.

That said, I must confess that had I not known in advance that this was a lesbian wedding, I would have never guessed, because one of the brides was the biggest, burliest, and tallest man there!! She was wearing a tux, speaking with a manly man voice, and sporting man-hair. In the words of Austin Powers: She's a man, baby!

Embarrassing comment: We had to bring my sister's 2 year old to the wedding and at one point, she was running across the floor when she fell and rooted up some carpet with her face. So there I am, in the middle of a ballroom full of lesbians, and I fairly well scream out "She's eating up the carpet!" Why didn't I just yell "Munching the rug"? Arggggh.

Funny coinky-dink of the evening: When it was time for music and dancing, my sister noticed that the song playing was by none other than Clay Aiken. So she said "Isn't that Clay Aiken?" and both of our minds flashed to my earlier entry about Clay being attractive to lesbians. So we looked at each other like we just found the cure for cancer or something and evidently I gave her the most humorous look of irony that she's ever seen, because she suddenly blew the rest of her coffee out of her mouth in a quick burst. That was pretty funny, since she doesn't usually go around spraying forth the contents of her mouth, especially in front of people.

Close encounters of the silicone kind: After the ceremony was over, and almost too late to even bother showing up, a person walked in with the hugest implants I've ever seen. Her large hair-do was platinum blond, so with all the larger than life false stuff going on, I totally thought it was a drag queen. Turns out, it's just some poor woman who keeps getting bigger and bigger implants. She's not going to be happy until she puts someone's eye out.

Something funny about my sister: A lot of her radio co-workers were at the wedding, and in that crowd were 3 guys she finds attractive. (Well, 2 yes's and a maybe) So, when she finds a guy attractive, she says she'd like to "poke him". Now, being a girl, she has an innie, and we all know that in order for one to "poke", one must have an outie. So unless she is sporting a strap-on that I have been blissfully unaware of, she is committing a funny linguistic faux pas. I don't know why I needed to share that, but there it is.

I'm almost delirious with tiredness. I must go now to find rest in the arms of Morpheus... I think tomorrow I will give an accounting of why 7 years olds should not watch Southpark, (Part II.)

Till then... ZZZZZZZZZ

spring - fall

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